


Dragonslayers' Morning Routine

by 3L1J4H_D3NN0



Series: Dragonslayer Shenanigans (Modern AU) [1]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fairy Tail Dragon Slayers, Gajeel Redfox Is A Fan Of Avril Lavigne And Katy Perry, Gay Sting Eucliffe, Gen, It's One Of Those Things Where Nothing Bad Happens But Everything Mentioned Is Arguably Mature, Laxus Dreyar Is So Done, Lesbian Wendy Marvell, Mentioned Chelia Blendy/Wendy Marvell, Mentions of incest, Nobody Here Is Mature, Pretty Much Everyone Swears, There's No Actual Incest Though, They're Complete Idiots, Wendy Marvell Just Wants To Impress Her Girl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-17 12:51:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18965608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3L1J4H_D3NN0/pseuds/3L1J4H_D3NN0
Summary: Natsu's breaking something, Wendy's high on caffeine, Gajeel's singing badly, Laxus's trying to cook breakfast, Cobra's obsessed with "Sharpie pranks", Sting's trying to put together the most fabulous outfit and Rogue just wants to go back to bed.It's safe, probably.





	Dragonslayers' Morning Routine

"Alright, I'm putting the pan... on the stove... now..." The bottom of the frying pan made contact with the flaming stove. Laxus let out a breath "Okay, guys, it's all good, we've made a successful landing."

Who knew frying eggs could be so stressful? Perhaps it had to do with the fact that he was cooking for seven people who could each down four eggs in about five minutes.

Or perhaps it was something to do with the awful singing in the next room.

" _What if you and I just put up a middle finger to the sky, let them know that we're still rock 'n roll!_ "

"Gajeel, shut the fuck up!" Laxus yelled across the house. What the hell did that idiot think he was doing?

Suddenly, an almighty crash was heard from somewhere upstairs. The only noise worse than Gajeel's singing was Natsu breaking something.

"NATSU, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DESTROY?!" Laxus roared.

"M-my bed..." came the hesitant reply.

 _His bed._ How stupid could that boy get?

Laxus was then knocked of his feet by some powerful force behind him.

"Oof!" He twisted around to see an over-excited, hyperactive,  _very much caffeinated_ Wendy.

"Morning, Laxus!!" she greeted, way too loud for this time of day. Who thought it was a good idea to leave the Coke where Wendy could reach it?

"Hey, kid," the blond grunted. "Mind letting me know where you found the Coke?"

"The highest shelf of the fridge! That's where all the fizzies are kept!" Shit. Apparently, you couldn't stop undersized thirteen-year-olds from getting things even when they couldn't reach them.

"Well, that was clever of you. How the hell did you get it down though?"

"I climbed up! It was easy!" Wendy bounced up and down, delighted with herself. Hmm. Was it safe to let her go to school while she was acting like a two-year-old?

"Listen, kid," Laxus began, picking himself off the floor. "The next time you steal Coke, I'm gonna have to punish you, and neither of us want that, got it?"

"That's a yes!" Wendy saluted dramatically.

Just then, Natsu decided to show his dumb face. Laxus grunted at him.

"You gonna pay for a new bed or are you just gonna sleep in that wreckage?" he sneered.

"I was just thinking you'd buy me one," Natsu replied, yawning and seating himself at the dining table. He looked tiredly at the blue-haired girl practically vibrating on the spot. "Hey, Wen. You ever noticed how small your boobs are?" Laxus choked on his orange juice.

"Yeah! It's really frustrating!" Wendy beamed. She didn't look frustrated at all.

"Are you actually trans?" Natsu asked.

"Huh?" Wendy hiccuped.

"Like," Natsu whispered, " _d'ya have a dick?_ " Laxus choked again. Wendy giggled.

"I don't remember! Shall we check?!"

"NO!!!" Laxus finally exploded, grabbing Wendy's arms to prevent them going anywhere near her pyjama bottoms.

Wendy laughed loudy, completely unaware of what was happening, but finding it amusing all the same.

Natsu had also barely registered the previous conversation, and promptly fell asleep, his face hitting the table.

Cobra sauntered in a couple minutes later, took in Laxus trying to both hold Wendy down and not burn the bacon like he did with the eggs, and sniggered.

"Having fun there, Laxie?" he drawled.

"Can you shut up and take Wendy off my hands, Erik?"

"It's Cobra, asshole. But, yeah, I'll keep her busy."

"Co-bro! How ya doin'!" Wendy shouted.

"Not too bad, little monster," Cobra replied. "Hey, ya wanna get pranked?"

"YES PLEASE!"

From somewhere within his jacket, Cobra whipped out a black Sharpie marker. "Now, hold still. I'm gonna draw somethin' real good."

It took about fifteen minutes for Laxus to realise neither Sting nor Rogue had appeared this morning. "What are those shitheads doing? Gajeel, get their asses down here!"

"WAIT, LEMME FINISH THIS SONG!"

"NO, GET YOUR ASS UP THERE, AND GET THEIR ASSES DOWN HERE!!"

"FINE, I WILL!!!"

Gajeel stomped up the stairs, grumbling to himself. It just wasn't okay to pause California Gurls halfway through.

He kicked open the door to Sting and Rogue's shared bedroom.

"Alright, bitches, time for your burnt eggs!" he announced.

"Aha, Gajeel!" Sting pulled him over to his wardrobe. "You know about good fashion sense, right?"

"Depends what kind of fashion you're going for."

"Well, I'm thinkin' either the fur boa and mid-length vest, or a full vest and fingerless gloves."

"Either way, you look gay, I don't see the difference."

"Well, that's what I was going for, so thanks."

"Where the hell's Rogue?" Gajeel asked, checking Rogue's bed.

"In my bed."

"Your bed? Why?"

"Cause mine's the best one!"

"Y'know, there are rumours goin' round sayin' you two are having an incestual romance."

Sting laughed. "Yeah, I can see why."

"Wait a sec, you didn't deny-"

"Of course we're not," came a voice from Sting's covers. Rogue's face peeked out, looking a little miffed. "I only get into Sting's bed after he's left."

"Yeah, come on, Gajeel!" Sting snickered.

"Well, whatever. Come eat your food, or I will." He then remembered something. "On second thought, no I won't. Burnt eggs and bacon taste of shit."

He stomped back downstairs to the kitchen/dining room. He saw Laxus piling a bunch of eggs on seven plates, Natsu drooling on the table, and Cobra leaning into Wendy's face. Hang on-

"Hey, Cobra, the hell are you doing?" The Cobra in question stepped back to reveal his masterpiece. Black Sharpie doodles covered the entirety of Wendy's forehead and cheeks. "Woah. Didn't know you were such a shitty artist."

"Hey, 'Jeel!" Wendy exclaimed.

"What even is that?" Gajeel asked, gesturing to the "drawing" on the girl's face.

"It was s'posed to be a dragon, but Wendy kept bouncing around, so it's a little wonky," Cobra explained. Gajeel looked at it again. It was a lot more than a little wonky...

"Gajeel!" Wendy shouted again. "Reckon Chelia'll think I'm beautiful, now?"

"I reckon Chelia thought you were more beautiful before, kid," Gajeel admitted.

"Oh, maybe I should get it tattooed on my face!" Wendy suggested.

"No. Definitely do not," Gajeel snapped. There would be a little more than Wendy's relationship with Chelia at stake if she got a face tattoo at thirteen.

"Good day, dumbasses!" Sting called, sliding down the banister. He looked like he thought he was the most fabulous man on earth.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Laxus growled.

"Just preparin' my outfit. Today's a special day!" Sting announced as Rogue slipped past him and joined Natsu in dozing at the table.

"Oh, oh, why's it special?" Wendy asked, hopping up and down.

"Because, my dearest Wendy, big brother Sting has caught himself a date."

"WOAH. THAT'S SO COOL!!" Wendy gasped.

"Yeah? With who?" Gajeel asked, suddenly curious.

"Now, now, 'Jeel, I can't tell you after that rather upsetting comment about incest."

"What's incest?" Wendy asked.

" _It doesn't matter._ " Laxus managed through gritted teeth. "Now, everyone sit the FUCK down!"

Everyone did so, with varying degrees of obedience. They had to use Natsu's scarf to hold Wendy in place, and even then, her legs were kicking up and down underneath the table.

Cobra attempted to draw something rude on Natsu's face, but the pink-haired boy's hand shot up and grabbed Cobra's wrist first.

"I don't think so, bitch!" he growled. After smelling breakfast, he immediately grinned. "Eggs and bacon! I can't wait!"

Laxus slammed the plates in front of everyone before taking his own seat at the head of the table. Everybody ate in silence. Well, they ate without talking. The ravenous munching of seven hungry people was actually rather loud, even comparing with the last hour of yelling, singing and everything in between.

Afterwards, Laxus pushed the five students out the door, Wendy being dragged in the right direction by Gajeel, and he then watched Cobra drive off to work, wherever the hell that was.

Finally. Peace and quiet. Laxus promptly headed back to bed for the next six hours.

 


End file.
